Just A Thought

Dear newbie in love,

I wrote and erased it many times, so here's an attempt. I was taken aback by the idea of how a new relationship would end.

I have witnessed people in different kinds of relationship tell me that when the relationship is new it is always sweet and filled with so much lust. As  time passes, love becomes too normal, it becomes second nature to both lovers. Yes, I am talking about love in different ways be it man-to-man, woman-to-woman, or the regular man-to-woman type. We are all bound to love, to feel a fresh start with the other and choose whether we will stay together or part ways. I strongly believe that, love is not bound into sexual orientations and that each of us might go through the following phases:

Love, as it starts fresh is always sweet.
Love as it brings your centered world into chaos, is a beautiful destruction unfolding right in front of your eyes. You allow yourself to be dragged by that pull of uncertainty, that particular pull which seems like inevitable gravity. Love as it is, is an inexplicable feeling. A desire of longing, of wanting to be with your partner 24/7. Love at its first stage is indeed an incredible experience! You learn to trust. You learn to put your barriers down and you learn to give space. You learn to grow not only with yourself but also with the other. Heck, you also learn how to fly. How to sore off of your feet. It is indeed a drug that you stick into yourself that you feel high and you never want to stop going higher. Love is, beautiful.

As times passes, the relationship grows into a second stage of great knowing. It is where the usual and common habits that the other does before used to be ery charming and now has turned into an intolerable smell of rotten garbage. The uglines of the other person is being manifested to you with no hesitations anymore. You both are in that zone where everything seems to be normal --- too normal. You are both so comfortable with your own skin that you forget the other is the other. You are in a way inseperable. A ticking bomb ready to explode when bickering starts. Yet, can be lullabied with a simple kiss, a hug, or even a wink. It is a stage where you become one and you decided to be it every waking moment. Note, the operative word is YOU DECIDE.

Being in a relationship is a constant decision you make, every single day, every hour. every second if you must insist. It is a decision that you make for yourself and for you partner which makes this beautiful chaotic one-ness wonderful.

That you realize...
Whether you want to put your atoms for the rest of your lives or go into new collisions. You are entitled to exercise your free will when the right moment comes. This is the last stage of love. The crucial turning point as to where all this madness is going to go.Where you want to be taken.

Love is silly; when you have it, you tend to cherish it the first few months or years. When you already have it, you feel something is still lacking, something is not right. And when you lose it you feel like the whole world is going to shatter into tiny particles of sand and your are left nowhere to begin.

Whatever happened to the question, "Would you like to grab a cup of coffee some time?" I feel like it died years ago and that the only decent thing to ask a girl out these days are through these series of questions:

'X' marks the spot. This is the right way to go. Photo 2013 @ Xocolat, Katipunan

1. "Do you want to hang and party?"
2. "Where are you? I can pick you anywhere" (at 2am that is)
Or the classic one that I'm hearing...
3. "Want to drink? When can we see each other for that beer session?"

What I believe when someone asks me the coffee question..

Coffee is decent.
Coffee makes sense.
Coffee keeps you alive and active.
Coffee makes you hyper and talk a lot.
Coffee makes you think of crazy things.
Coffee makes you leap out of your chair and be merry.

In short...Coffee is always good, especially when you're drinking it with someone and you're having probably the best conversation you've had in your life so far.

That also said, I believe that the coffee culture that the Friends' Series (90s) aired long ago have died with them. People no longer spend 10 minutes talking and just sharing what's going on with their lives. When we do see each other we usually talk for awhile and go back to our smart phones and scroll away!

It feels like the world is more updated online and we've lost that face-to-face connection with human souls.

In the world of dating, I feel like coffee is taboo already. And the lines I've said awhile ago will transform into this:

Beer is decent.
Beer makes sense.
Beer keeps you alive and active.
Beer makes you hyper and talk a lot.
Beer makes you think of crazy things.
Beer makes you leap out of your chair and be merry.

Apparently boys, men, and gentlemen think nowadays that the best way to get a girl is to ask her over for some drinks. It works both ways I guess. For some time. But it gets tiring too you know. Plus it's an expensive lifestyle that's very hard to maintain and to balance.

See when you ask us out over beer there are always lingering questions in our heads like: (well I don't know if it's the same with you ladies, but this is what's happening in mine)

1. Should I go?
2. Is this is a stupid idea?
3. It might be fun...? hmmm.
4. What's in it for me? What's in it for him?
5. Will this all be worth it in the end?

Unlike when you ask us for coffee, questions will form this way:

1. What should I wear?
2. Should I wear make-up or be nice and pretty?
3. What will we talk about?
4. Hmmm. What shall I order?
5. I think this is going to be fun. Will it? Yes definitely?

It's more exciting, worth preparing for, and it's definitely unpredictable.

Whatever happened to being unpredictable? Whatever happened to open-ended stories? To much awaited 2nd coffee dates? To more extraordinary conversations? To the getting-to-know-each-other phase? To taking it slow and easy? Where have they gone and what dimensions have they ran into?

Is romance dead? And that the fast-track scrolling we do on our social media is also how we should get to know new people in our lives?

I think, we've lost our touch. It's sad to also know that the communication we can only make is through tipsy stances and intoxicated decisions. We are but walking souls desperate for attention, desperately wanting to be heard, and desperately wanting to be felt and loved.

I admire those people who take the first 2 baby steps of saying hi and offering a hand to shake to be introduced or maybe asking a real question of "how are you?"

But mostly...

I admire those people who still have the guts to ask the coffee question. Their barriers are totally down and they are open to being shut down by the person on the other end. That life is too fleeting not to ask for a decent conversation with this smart girl or sensible man.

I admire those people who ask the coffee question because it's a question that makes us all vulnerable---to love, to pain, or to more chances. That once in awhile being vulnerable without the influence of alcohol is a magical feeling that we must desire all over again.

And on romance being dead?

I believe that it isn't. It's us and our pretenses who are killing it slowly but surely.