Just A Thought

Dear newbie in love,

I wrote and erased it many times, so here's an attempt. I was taken aback by the idea of how a new relationship would end.

I have witnessed people in different kinds of relationship tell me that when the relationship is new it is always sweet and filled with so much lust. As  time passes, love becomes too normal, it becomes second nature to both lovers. Yes, I am talking about love in different ways be it man-to-man, woman-to-woman, or the regular man-to-woman type. We are all bound to love, to feel a fresh start with the other and choose whether we will stay together or part ways. I strongly believe that, love is not bound into sexual orientations and that each of us might go through the following phases:

Love, as it starts fresh is always sweet.
Love as it brings your centered world into chaos, is a beautiful destruction unfolding right in front of your eyes. You allow yourself to be dragged by that pull of uncertainty, that particular pull which seems like inevitable gravity. Love as it is, is an inexplicable feeling. A desire of longing, of wanting to be with your partner 24/7. Love at its first stage is indeed an incredible experience! You learn to trust. You learn to put your barriers down and you learn to give space. You learn to grow not only with yourself but also with the other. Heck, you also learn how to fly. How to sore off of your feet. It is indeed a drug that you stick into yourself that you feel high and you never want to stop going higher. Love is, beautiful.

As times passes, the relationship grows into a second stage of great knowing. It is where the usual and common habits that the other does before used to be ery charming and now has turned into an intolerable smell of rotten garbage. The uglines of the other person is being manifested to you with no hesitations anymore. You both are in that zone where everything seems to be normal --- too normal. You are both so comfortable with your own skin that you forget the other is the other. You are in a way inseperable. A ticking bomb ready to explode when bickering starts. Yet, can be lullabied with a simple kiss, a hug, or even a wink. It is a stage where you become one and you decided to be it every waking moment. Note, the operative word is YOU DECIDE.

Being in a relationship is a constant decision you make, every single day, every hour. every second if you must insist. It is a decision that you make for yourself and for you partner which makes this beautiful chaotic one-ness wonderful.

That you realize...
Whether you want to put your atoms for the rest of your lives or go into new collisions. You are entitled to exercise your free will when the right moment comes. This is the last stage of love. The crucial turning point as to where all this madness is going to go.Where you want to be taken.

Love is silly; when you have it, you tend to cherish it the first few months or years. When you already have it, you feel something is still lacking, something is not right. And when you lose it you feel like the whole world is going to shatter into tiny particles of sand and your are left nowhere to begin.

I found myself today asking infinite ways on how I can possibly turn a negative situation into a positive one. Some sort of like that thing that people say when God closes a door there are always windows available to be opened. That every given opportunity, whether good or bad, is a transformation waiting to happen. A transformation that might lead to a very rocky road or a smooth sailing pavement.

The twists and the turns of particular events in our lives makes us who we are. It makes us strong or it can also make us crumble into a million pieces. We learn or maybe sometimes we truly don't. But these amazing negative moments are truly the ones that define us, what makes us unique, what makes us stand out from the rest, and generally what makes us a different version of ourselves in the coming days.

Some days are good, some days are truly bad and in the end you really do win some and you also will lose some. There will never come a time that the situation will always be in favor of you; you'll always, sooner or later, find yourself in the losing end. But it's ok...

The game is not over.

It's always about moving forward. About choosing how to turn the blocks around and how to create structures in your soul to always push through and find that happiness in your life.

So how to stay motivated, when everything's as rough as a walnut's shell?

My top 5 ways on how to keep going...

5. Goal Setting and Day Dreaming.
At any given time and in any given setting in our lives, we will somehow find this whole idea the hardest to fill in. Boy, you are one lucky bug if you have everything figured out for yourself. But for most who don't, I sympathize and empathize with you on this.

That sometimes setting goals make you question whether or not you are truly capable of achieving something in this particular span of time. You are doubtful.

But I found out recently that those who do have a concrete plan in their head make things happen. They move the pawns on their chess board and they do not let fate dictate where the hell they want to go.

They (for the most part) end up happy. They end up enjoying the company of themselves and their ability to impose the necessary changes they want to have in their lives. And these people with plans are the rare finds in this chaotic world.

So today, take the time to grab a pen and a paper. If you want, grab a table napkin and use that as your temporary goal setting material! Don't be scared. Write the most mundane ideas you have in your head, figure out what your likes and dislikes are, identify your needs and your wants.

Just write them all down and believe that Universe has already addressed these needs of yours. That before you knock it has already been opened for you.

4. Stretch.
Take the time to ease into this. Find time to squeeze this in your busy schedule. Listen to the language of your body. Listen as to how your muscles contract and relax with every absurd poses you can demonstrate.

Don't be afraid to feel what your body is saying. It is a true expression of what's inside. Take the time to energize and to feel where you are aching and where you are at ease. You don't need an hour to do this, you only need 5-10 minutes of stretching exercises to feel your body so you can hear its language.

You are responsible for every nourishment your body takes in and it is indeed a wonderful moment to just set aside a little time for it so you can give recognition to the physical and everything else in between will follow.

3. Breathe.
Take 3 short breaths followed by 3 long ones. *Repeat*

It is through the breaths we take that we clear our brains and let air in. It is through these well inhaled and exhaled breaths that split-second decisions can be made. It is through these breaths that we can decide whether we should shout until our lungs come out or keep still and be silent.

These breaths dictate how we want to handle situations in our lives that are out of our control. It is only through these breaths that we take can we truly say that we are the masters of our own worlds. We are in-charge. We are the pilots of our own plane.

We sometimes do forget how to breathe especially when the stress comes in, when the work piles up, when everything seems to be happening all at once, and when we are truly under pressure.

Take the time. Sit down. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

2. Be Objective.
Don't let your emotions get to you too much. But I'm not saying that in order to move forward you must totally dismiss these emotions. N-O, NO! Cry if the need to release is there and your chest is too heavy to bear. Express your inner feelings if this would indeed serve you good. Don't be ashamed as to how you feel but don't be too over dramatic.

Remember that, for every problem there is always an equal solution waiting to be unraveled. It is up to you how you will do this and it is also up to you if you let your emotions hinder you from the place where you want to go.

Think of a solution always --- what's best for your specific situation.  Be objective, try to find the answers, and everything else will fall into its rightful place.
1. Find Comfort.
You are not here to carry all the burdens on your own. No man is an island, as the cliche line goes. Find people who bring joy to you, people who make you laugh and make you feel welcomed.

Find people who will listen and hear. Be wary of people who just babble about the things your supposed to do and they end up totally ruining what you want for yourself.

Find the positive ones and shy away from those who emanate negative vibrations. The negatives are the least concerns of your life.

Find people to give you a power hug if you must. Let them express their warmth and love to you through these simple gestures.

Find them. Never isolate yourself, for you are not moving forward, you are only choosing to be miserable for the rest of your life.

As life goes through an unpredictable rate, the good and the bad will always remain in the eye of the beholder. It is just a matter of perspective.

Having different perspectives is what makes us human, what makes us see through the flaws and what helps us to work our way out. Perspectives make us see what else we want to achieve and what else we can conquer.

It is an on-going quest to keep going but it's always a wonderful challenge to be accepted.

We all make plans, and sometimes those plans we make happen, or they never truly do. We get disappointments and the cycle of living is indeed that way. One day you're happy, the next you no longer know what to do.

It is in the deepest silence of our hearts that we could truly identify what's aching and what needs to be bandaged and repaired. But, no matter how hard we try to bandage those things ghosts will still haunt us in our core.

Memories can never fade. Memories are mere memories stuck in the brain waiting to be recycled and thought of again. I think, we are trap in this cleverness that no matter how much we try to press the delete button in our heads, it's never going to happen.

Along the way, we find temporary happiness, and temporary happiness finds us too. We swallow into the fun and don't give a damn because we've been badly scarred many times. We smile, we laugh, we do the regular things but when we are on our own, memories creep in. We judge ourselves for our lack of understanding and the lack of courage to just choose to move forward.

We get stuck in the idea of letting go and change.
We get stuck in the idea of moving forward.

And we realize that those things are just there as "pure ideas."

Only to find out that after the long run, we are still standing still. We've become that immovable wall waiting to be broken and pushed. No amount of alcohol, smoke, or loud music can break the sadness, the pain that's locked up inside.

The restlessness of it all is that, as night comes, we find ourselves in the confines of our own thoughts. Drowning. Clamoring for air. Anxious to be saved.

It's sad to think that time can make us victims of our past; that time can enslave us of our present moment/s. It corrupts us of our ability to think for the future and hope for the best. But at the end of the day, choice is still the thing that matters.

As the day progresses, the "pure" idea of moving forward is slowly building its foundations and we find ourselves learning our lessons. Bit by bit. We are slowly coming to terms with ourselves. We are slowly accepting every bit of flaw we have in our soul---past, present, and future. And the most important lesson is: Happy moments must always be noticed and bad vibrations neglected and thrown into segregated trash bins of life's crap.

The past will always be there to haunt us. It is always up to us to choose if we are too stupid to leave, or too stuck up to move on with things that came and will come our way.

Moving on and letting go are the two hardest lessons we must practice every single day of our lives. No matter how much we deny it, we are the person we are at present because of the experiences we've learned in the past. Just the same, we will be the future versions of ourselves who created a beautiful present.

I have come to terms with myself that in life, each waking moment is a chance for us to recreate ourselves anew; a chance for us to become the better versions of ourselves. That each beginning is always a continuation of something that ended and that the story will always be scary and daunting but very hopeful and adventurous.

With a light heart, we take with us the lessons of the past and finally choose to pick the pieces and tape them all back together. We must always strive to get that footing back after being broken into a million pieces.

A shattered individual will always attract more shattered hearts. The cycle will repeat itself over and over again until this person finds himself/herself as the victim of the situation for the nth time.

Let's not involve anyone in the process of fixing ourselves because we would always end up destroying the beautiful light shining through that other person.

We are wonderful individuals, you are a wonderful being! A someone who deserves a better chance or better chances in life's wonderfully made stupidity. Don't hang on to the past, the past will cling so tightly that it's hard to let it go. Like a boy begging for his mother not to leave for the grocery.

The past is a wonderful chance for us to re-evaluate our present moment, our future beginnings and happiness. All we have to do is to trust the process and the flow of life's energy that everything positive will come to us in the right place, right time, and right sequence.

So, to you my friend, who's trying to move forward, the journey is indeed long and it is filled with so much tears and unexpected joys. Be receptive to your feelings, honor them, and take good care of them. At the end of the day they are the only ones capable of telling you what's best for you, be it in relationships, or your job, or your family, or decision making.

Life is indeed filled with ups and downs. Sometimes, there are just downs pouring all over the place, but know that light will shine and ups will be attracted again to your wonderful life.

I love you, I send the pieces of bandages from my broken heart to your shattered soul. We'll get through eventually.

For my four sisters,

You might not get the chance to read this but I'd like to take this opportunity to finally write something about you guys. With every challenge that came to us this 2014, I can truly say that despite it all you are the most wonderful blessings in my life, so far.

I mean despite the bickering and all the drama in the house due to hormones raging in different times of the week, I've come to terms that we did grow up pretty nicely.

Growing up with four sisters is such a wonderful story to tell. Here are the top 10 things why:

10. Ultimate-Girl-Drama.
Yes, we have to admit girls, we love all the drama even if we deny it 70 X 7. Drama is like the best part of being a girl/woman.

Awkward stage of growing up. From top left-bottom right:  Giannecarla, Me. Giannerica, Gianneluisa, &Giannepaula

Growing up with 4 different girls, seeing them everyday, talking with them, crying, and laughing are probably the best highlights of my day.

Despite the work load of being a teacher and dealing with more girls in an exclusive school, I still love the idea of going home to my sisters and just spending little time with them to talk and be me.

Clothing does matter, dressing up well is another factor, and carrying those clothes well is the bottom line of everything. These things make you a woman. No you don't need those pricey clothes from high-end stores. It is always about how you bring yourself and the way you bring your best foot forward all the time.

Having 4 sisters is probably a giant closet-full of clothing for every occasion.The need to buy clothes is no longer necessary, I can always borrow some from their closets. Or sometimes I steal them then we go back to number 10.

It's not only about the clothing, you can get all the best tips for dressing or putting make-up on pretty well. How to act in special occasions or be goofy everyday.

They are the frank ones who tell you that you are puking stripes when you're wearing a printed shirt over printed bottoms. They tell you when you look like a tree when you've put on a green shirt on top of a brown pair of bottoms. And you look like a macho-man wearing that tank top.

They see you at your worst, but they make sure that you don't get out of the house looking like shit.

8. Sensitivity.
No guys, you won't get this and no matter how many times you try you will never get the same intuition the way we girls do.(non-sexist comment over here)

They always know, they always know when something's bugging me or something's really making me feel excited. I'd always be that person surprised that they sometimes feel it more than I do. It's amazing how they can get it out of me without my knowing.

7. Long conversations at a dining table.
We find time to talk. We find time to listen. We always find the time to argue about our opinions, over coffee or during meal time.

We never had a quiet table during meals in this house. It's always about what's happening with whom and who has the best story to tell.

If ever we do have families of our own, this is probably what I will miss about us. We cannot bear the idea of eating alone at our dining table. You can say we're inseparable or clingy but we always, always, find the time to eat together. Which I think is rare in a lot of family set-ups.

This is something worth treasuring. If ever we have reunions in the near future, this could be something to still look forward to and to be instilled in our children's values.

8. Long coffee breaks.
We love coffee. By that I mean WE ARE SO ADDICTED with coffee.

With the multiple collections of tumblers from different coffee shops, bags and bags of 3-in-1 coffee, and many other, this is where we all agree on: COFFEE IN THE MORNING (or afternoon) COMPLETES  AND ENDS OUR DAY.

This is the the perfect time where collecting stickers from Starbucks is a no-brainer for us cause when we order it's already a 5-sticker-in-one kind of thing.

Coffee bonds us, it makes us sane and insane at the same time, which I truly love about us.

7. The Sane and Insane.
No matter how many times we try to bond with each other, there will always be fights in between.

We are but a collection of short-tempered-well-opinionated girls who were taught never to back down on any fight.

When somebody's mean to any of us, we always have each other's back. You might say, we become PSYCHO BITCHES for each other. For me, the value of a sister being a true sister is measured with the amounts of sacrifices we can make for each other just to get even when somebody hurts us.

Then the sane us comes in.

No matter how psycho bitches we can get, we still kiss and make-up after a few minutes and we're back to normal again. Then we go back to point #10.

6. Instant bestfriends.
No matter how many friends we have, we'd always go back to our own.

You are but my "bestest" of friends. You've seen me at my worst and you've seen me at my best (haha), and thank you for being there no matter what. Thank you for giving me the best advice you can harness from your core every time.

5. Friends of friends.
As the song goes, "and your friends are my friends, and my friends are your friends. The more we get together the happier we'll be."

We have a lot of friends, again A LOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTT of friends. I hate to brag about it but our closeness us sisters brings people together. Our closeness springs up new ties to people. When we're together it's like one giant power that the awkward can turn into an awesome time---always.

Which brings me to point #4.

4. Happy Together. 

`At our favorite mountain. Mt. Banahaw. From left to right: Giannerica (youngest), Giannepaula (2nd), Giannecarla (eldest), Me (3rd), and Gianneluisa (4th)

Drama on the side, we find ourselves still happy with the company of each other (or maybe?).haha. Which I truly love about us. We enjoy the same music, we enjoy the same activities, we love the beach, we have almost the same styles, and many more.

Oh, almost forgot. We get drunk together and we never run out of company during drinking sessions. We are instant drinking buddies to each other.

We are happy even if there are times that there's little to be happy for. We always find something extraordinary in the ordinary. It's our magic.

3. Kitchen Experiments.
In a house packed with 5 girls, KITCHEN IS EVERYTHING. We love FOOD, it's the most wonderful creation for us.

If we want to go Italian, somebody can cook something up. If we want to go classic Pinoy, somebody's always there to save the day. If we want fresh batches of baked goods, somebody's there to do the job as well.

We're perfect puzzles in the kitchen and maybe in this life time as well.

2. Soul Sisters.
I love you no matter what. I wouldn't trade you for anybody even if sometimes we have our own differences.

I believe that when we made our blue prints in our past lives, we have lessons to be learned from each other. We are still in the process of re-learning them and why we chose this path together.

Deep down in my core, I believe that our connections will never end. We will be altogether in this journey for many lifetimes. I'm looking forward to that.

1. Instant affection.

Endless coffee breaks at Subic, Zambales. Playing with fish-eye. Mum's the girl in  the yellow sarong.

I'm not the touchy-type of person but this is really my number 1 most important point. We've grown with parents who rarely hug and show affection for each other. When people ask me why I love you so much I tell them that you always give me instant affection.

You hug me when I ask for one. You've shown me a great deal about how important a hug is when you need it, and that you shouldn't be scared or doubtful to ask for it when you need some. We never fail to tell each other "ingat (take care)" when there's a chance.

You cry with me, you laugh with me, and you do the craziest of things with me altogether. Thank you for all of it. I LOVE YOU.

Sooooo...
If you have sisters/brothers of your own, take the time to hug them, tell them you love them, you miss them, and that you care for them---ALL THE TIME.

You wouldn't know when that day will come that they'll finally leave and have families of their own or live a life that they've always dreamed of.

It is through them and in this wonderful fate that we come to know ourselves more and share our unconditional love through our closed relationships.

Take the time.