Just A Thought

Dear newbie in love,

I wrote and erased it many times, so here's an attempt. I was taken aback by the idea of how a new relationship would end.

I have witnessed people in different kinds of relationship tell me that when the relationship is new it is always sweet and filled with so much lust. As  time passes, love becomes too normal, it becomes second nature to both lovers. Yes, I am talking about love in different ways be it man-to-man, woman-to-woman, or the regular man-to-woman type. We are all bound to love, to feel a fresh start with the other and choose whether we will stay together or part ways. I strongly believe that, love is not bound into sexual orientations and that each of us might go through the following phases:

Love, as it starts fresh is always sweet.
Love as it brings your centered world into chaos, is a beautiful destruction unfolding right in front of your eyes. You allow yourself to be dragged by that pull of uncertainty, that particular pull which seems like inevitable gravity. Love as it is, is an inexplicable feeling. A desire of longing, of wanting to be with your partner 24/7. Love at its first stage is indeed an incredible experience! You learn to trust. You learn to put your barriers down and you learn to give space. You learn to grow not only with yourself but also with the other. Heck, you also learn how to fly. How to sore off of your feet. It is indeed a drug that you stick into yourself that you feel high and you never want to stop going higher. Love is, beautiful.

As times passes, the relationship grows into a second stage of great knowing. It is where the usual and common habits that the other does before used to be ery charming and now has turned into an intolerable smell of rotten garbage. The uglines of the other person is being manifested to you with no hesitations anymore. You both are in that zone where everything seems to be normal --- too normal. You are both so comfortable with your own skin that you forget the other is the other. You are in a way inseperable. A ticking bomb ready to explode when bickering starts. Yet, can be lullabied with a simple kiss, a hug, or even a wink. It is a stage where you become one and you decided to be it every waking moment. Note, the operative word is YOU DECIDE.

Being in a relationship is a constant decision you make, every single day, every hour. every second if you must insist. It is a decision that you make for yourself and for you partner which makes this beautiful chaotic one-ness wonderful.

That you realize...
Whether you want to put your atoms for the rest of your lives or go into new collisions. You are entitled to exercise your free will when the right moment comes. This is the last stage of love. The crucial turning point as to where all this madness is going to go.Where you want to be taken.

Love is silly; when you have it, you tend to cherish it the first few months or years. When you already have it, you feel something is still lacking, something is not right. And when you lose it you feel like the whole world is going to shatter into tiny particles of sand and your are left nowhere to begin.

I found myself today asking infinite ways on how I can possibly turn a negative situation into a positive one. Some sort of like that thing that people say when God closes a door there are always windows available to be opened. That every given opportunity, whether good or bad, is a transformation waiting to happen. A transformation that might lead to a very rocky road or a smooth sailing pavement.

The twists and the turns of particular events in our lives makes us who we are. It makes us strong or it can also make us crumble into a million pieces. We learn or maybe sometimes we truly don't. But these amazing negative moments are truly the ones that define us, what makes us unique, what makes us stand out from the rest, and generally what makes us a different version of ourselves in the coming days.

Some days are good, some days are truly bad and in the end you really do win some and you also will lose some. There will never come a time that the situation will always be in favor of you; you'll always, sooner or later, find yourself in the losing end. But it's ok...

The game is not over.

It's always about moving forward. About choosing how to turn the blocks around and how to create structures in your soul to always push through and find that happiness in your life.

So how to stay motivated, when everything's as rough as a walnut's shell?

My top 5 ways on how to keep going...

5. Goal Setting and Day Dreaming.
At any given time and in any given setting in our lives, we will somehow find this whole idea the hardest to fill in. Boy, you are one lucky bug if you have everything figured out for yourself. But for most who don't, I sympathize and empathize with you on this.

That sometimes setting goals make you question whether or not you are truly capable of achieving something in this particular span of time. You are doubtful.

But I found out recently that those who do have a concrete plan in their head make things happen. They move the pawns on their chess board and they do not let fate dictate where the hell they want to go.

They (for the most part) end up happy. They end up enjoying the company of themselves and their ability to impose the necessary changes they want to have in their lives. And these people with plans are the rare finds in this chaotic world.

So today, take the time to grab a pen and a paper. If you want, grab a table napkin and use that as your temporary goal setting material! Don't be scared. Write the most mundane ideas you have in your head, figure out what your likes and dislikes are, identify your needs and your wants.

Just write them all down and believe that Universe has already addressed these needs of yours. That before you knock it has already been opened for you.

4. Stretch.
Take the time to ease into this. Find time to squeeze this in your busy schedule. Listen to the language of your body. Listen as to how your muscles contract and relax with every absurd poses you can demonstrate.

Don't be afraid to feel what your body is saying. It is a true expression of what's inside. Take the time to energize and to feel where you are aching and where you are at ease. You don't need an hour to do this, you only need 5-10 minutes of stretching exercises to feel your body so you can hear its language.

You are responsible for every nourishment your body takes in and it is indeed a wonderful moment to just set aside a little time for it so you can give recognition to the physical and everything else in between will follow.

3. Breathe.
Take 3 short breaths followed by 3 long ones. *Repeat*

It is through the breaths we take that we clear our brains and let air in. It is through these well inhaled and exhaled breaths that split-second decisions can be made. It is through these breaths that we can decide whether we should shout until our lungs come out or keep still and be silent.

These breaths dictate how we want to handle situations in our lives that are out of our control. It is only through these breaths that we take can we truly say that we are the masters of our own worlds. We are in-charge. We are the pilots of our own plane.

We sometimes do forget how to breathe especially when the stress comes in, when the work piles up, when everything seems to be happening all at once, and when we are truly under pressure.

Take the time. Sit down. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

2. Be Objective.
Don't let your emotions get to you too much. But I'm not saying that in order to move forward you must totally dismiss these emotions. N-O, NO! Cry if the need to release is there and your chest is too heavy to bear. Express your inner feelings if this would indeed serve you good. Don't be ashamed as to how you feel but don't be too over dramatic.

Remember that, for every problem there is always an equal solution waiting to be unraveled. It is up to you how you will do this and it is also up to you if you let your emotions hinder you from the place where you want to go.

Think of a solution always --- what's best for your specific situation.  Be objective, try to find the answers, and everything else will fall into its rightful place.
1. Find Comfort.
You are not here to carry all the burdens on your own. No man is an island, as the cliche line goes. Find people who bring joy to you, people who make you laugh and make you feel welcomed.

Find people who will listen and hear. Be wary of people who just babble about the things your supposed to do and they end up totally ruining what you want for yourself.

Find the positive ones and shy away from those who emanate negative vibrations. The negatives are the least concerns of your life.

Find people to give you a power hug if you must. Let them express their warmth and love to you through these simple gestures.

Find them. Never isolate yourself, for you are not moving forward, you are only choosing to be miserable for the rest of your life.

As life goes through an unpredictable rate, the good and the bad will always remain in the eye of the beholder. It is just a matter of perspective.

Having different perspectives is what makes us human, what makes us see through the flaws and what helps us to work our way out. Perspectives make us see what else we want to achieve and what else we can conquer.

It is an on-going quest to keep going but it's always a wonderful challenge to be accepted.