Just A Thought

The other end is always hard to understand. The line seems like it's always fuzzy and your brain goes on a lock-down that you no longer hear any word, any sentence, any bickering that's in front of your face.Have you ever had that feeling where you had an argument with someone and cursed the day they were born in your head or sometimes shout it out loud? You wish you never said the words you did, but time will never be turned back and you just have to live with it.

Arguments are like chocolate covered almonds. There's always a surprise at the end of any argument you've had with someone in your life, especially when they mean that much to you. Why chocolate covered almonds? I'm not saying that it's good all over the place but the feeling that arguments (big or small) bring to you is somewhat an experience that will be forever etched in your memory. 

The way I see it, arguments give you the chance to bring out the worst and the best in you.  It is always a lesson that you get to realize not during the heat of the discussion but hours, days, months, or even years to finally grasp it's effect in your totality as a person. 

It brings out the worst because you never thought you could say those words in your head out loud, shout at the top of your lungs feeling that it's not enough to get through, cursing in all possible ways, and getting even by just expressing what you really feel about the situation at that given moment. 

It's not like the world is going to change if you did all these things but it feels really really and I mean really good, doesn't it? You wouldn't want to do it over and over but when you are caught in the middle you feel like you just want to take the heat and WIN. Yes win, it's our nature to feel that we are dominant over something or that we are the most important thing in the Universe, but in that quick or long moment of arguing we feel that we are important, weird right? We feel that every bit of the things we say will solve the situation and we will eventually feel that we are triumphant for just a quick moment. Yet after that quick moment, we sulk in the corner, thinking about the feelings that we firmly expressed and the sometimes uncanny words we said and how we wish we never said them.

The argument itself is the chocolate and the almonds are the lessons. When I eat the chocolate, I always make sure to savor the most important coating and leave that "prize" hanging in my mouth. The lessons from the fights that we get into are rarely noticeable or sometimes are never fully realized. We learn not in the moment of the argument but only after the whole thing ended, when the storm passed and we get to put ourselves back into equilibrium. 

I always held this thought in my head that it's easy to forgive but it is really hard to forget. In any argument I've had the words are just so important to me, the lines and the way it was said will stick with me forever, but I always choose to reevaluate and get the pieces altogether to learn my lessons, my patterns, where it all started, and where the anger would possibly end. 

Ego.

I'm sure you've heard of it. Three simple letters, yet it makes a lot of sense when you know how to control it, surrender to it or to totally choose to eliminate it.

In the course of arguments both parties have egos that are clashing together; in every single word that is being uttered, every non-verbal actions that are being committed, every stare, every tear, every mouthful of saliva lashing out, and every curse that was really meant to be said.

It's hard to surrender your ego, wouldn't you agree with me? It's hard sometimes to suddenly admit that you are wrong and to admit that you lost in that battle. No matter how much you clamor to go back to the top you can't go back anymore, once YOU DECIDE to surrender. But it's also a good thing sometimes to do so, because fights or arguments will easily be resolved, right?

I guess what I'm saying is we choose not to surrender because it's really hard to admit to ourselves that we did wrong. We can't accept that in every argument both parties made mistakes and that pointing fingers on who started the situation is definitely stupid. It's hard to surrender because you know that you're giving your power to that person or that thing that you never thought you'd ever give in to. But after all the drama, you look back and you realize that you DID GOOD. You were "mature" to take that action, that chance, that decision to just retreat to make everything ok, and to agree that this has got to end.

If it's that easy, I guess wars, hunger, poverty, and lack in our society would easily end. When everyone makes that conscious decision to surrender and give in to their barriers or shields of the illusion of having power over things. In a way, we are equal, but we are not exercising this equality because of that "always-winning" mentality. 

Life is funny sometimes. You put yourself in complex situations but in the end the Universe would always find a way to simplify it for you; you just have to look, feel, and think closely about how you go about every arguments, fights, or dilemmas. 

I guess in times of arguments' climax we just have to learn how to gather ourselves again and consciously choose to retreat and surrender. It's no longer a question on who has power over who but the outcome would definitely make you feel more responsible, wiser, and ego-free.

So to life's arguments, cheers! I welcome you into my life with an open heart and an open mind.