Just A Thought

Intimate relationships are constant bone fractures inflicted to the body, it is a series of breaking, mending, and piecing together until you finally give it time to heal on its own and choose to never look back again on the cause of your problems.

We always find ourselves as the victims in any relationship. We blame and blame the other person for their "mistakes" and we always find ways on how to point our finger at them. Always. By that I mean, any chance that we get to defend ourselves in an argument we do so with the hope that the other person will just agree with whatever we're trying to point out.

As I've grown along and out of an intimate relationship I have found that LOVE can bring two things to you: 1. It can destroy you. 2. It can help you grow.

I have once had the chance to read on this statement in M. Scott Peck's book The Road Less Traveled: "All relationships are made by choice." Six simple words, one very big statement; one statement very hard to swallow. It may take days, months, or even years to fully digest this thought.

On the thought of love destroying you, I have come to realize that all intimate relationships involve two different souls. Two souls that have decided to finally be together. In that togetherness two souls are finally inseparable and transform into one giant soul in the cosmos. Two souls with different purposes, two souls with different likes and dislikes, two souls with different perspectives, and two souls with different experiences rolled into a California Maki. It's somewhat magic that these two souls have an understanding that no one else could possibly imagine. That these two very different souls have finally come into terms with each other that the other is the other. It's destruction and chaos on the platter, but it's one beautiful chaos and destruction that everyone in a relationship fully understands.

See when you love, you finally choose to let go of yourself.

It's destructing, it's a ticking bomb that would blow off anytime. You forget some parts of you, you forget some of the things that you have to do for yourself, and you finally decide to let go of the illusion that you can control everything or you can control the pace on how your relationship will go and should go.

You let go of yourself because you hope that the 100% that you will give would be reciprocated or someday be filled by your partner. But, it never happens. It shouldn't be the main agenda of any relationship. See, when you expect too much, especially from people, you tend to always lose in the end.

It's always hard to construct in our own minds that we shouldn't be expecting, but we always end up doing it. As the saying goes, "what you resist, persist," the thought of not expecting haunts us forever.

And for all we know, the relationship is slowly going down the drain then we question ourselves what the hell did we do wrong for this to happen? We live in that so-called state of being the victims all the time when in reality we've been the only person most responsible for our own heart aches. We walk like zombies everyday, not feeling each moment and when something bad happens we always tend to look not through ourselves but on what is clearly present outside.

We  construct the most brilliant ideas to get over the idea of being the victim but we always end up still feeling used or sometimes abused by the other.

Getting broken is the hardest part of it all. You'd have to deal with all the things that you've feared the most and the thought of this day coming is always unexpected. No matter if reality says that it's expected to happen; no matter if people around you are telling you that darling the road your taking is truly a bad one.

Like a domino that falls when the first block is tipped, just are the things that are happening in your life would fall apart. Then you feel like you're the victim again. It's a vicious cycle. You cry and you beg for attention, you yearn to be heard in all corners of the world, and you do this without noticing that the world is moving.

You've wasted so much time, sulking and blaming.

When that beautiful and wonderful day comes that you realize you've been the sore loser you feel like crying some more and blaming again. You hope that one day you'll feel relieved and you wish for that day of rejoicing that everything will be better.

Then the loop goes on again.

You suck at figuring things out for yourself so you try to find answers from people when in fact everything is just within you, within your reach---so close but so far.

On the contrary with everything being said, as the days go by you realize that you're learning a lot despite and in spite of it all. You are learning the most wonderful lessons. Lessons that only broken parts of you can bring in the worst days of your life.

See, it's human nature to deny feelings every time it surfaces. We find the most beautiful excuses to just choose to get away from what we're feeling.

When it's finally clear in our heads, we understand and then we start to accept. Acceptance is probably the best gift that we can give ourselves in times like these. It is only in the acceptance that we can finally choose to let go and finally choose to apply the lessons we've learned into our everyday life.

Acceptance is beautiful and it is probably the hardest lesson that we can learn through the course of our lives. We can spend years denying that something happened but when we learn to finally accept, it is the most freeing experience that our deepest desires can truly reach.

The vicious cycle of us being the victim suddenly stops and we reach that point where everything can be possible, that life is filled with so much possibilities. We got so caught up with the baggage of regret that we forgot time passed and anything can happen within a year or so.

At some point in our lives we get sucked into a black hole of regret, but during the darkest days, the only hope that we can hold on to is that we'll see light and clarity again.